Article IV - You are a man, goddammit, ACT LIKE IT


Section 1: No man should ever speak badly about bacon or sex. (Eric)

Section 2: Never watch the movie "The Notebook" (Bradley)

Section 3: No man shall ever be required to buy another man a birthday gift. In fact, even remembering you're buddies birthday is strictly optional. (Morgan)

Section 4: If a man borrows another mans tools, he must return them in the same shape that he received them. If the tool is damaged, the borrower is responsible for replacing said tool. (The Norwegian)

Section 5: Never dress to match your girlfriend or wife. (Jim C)

Section 6: Two men should never walk down the street under the same umbrella. (Modified form every list of rules that "guys should follow" circulating on the web right now)

Section 7: Never let a woman order for you in a restaurant. (Kyle in Seattle)

Section 8: No man should ever ride bitch on another man's motorcycle. (Tom "The Cable Guy" in Graham)

Section 9: Under no circumstances is any man allowed to send an emoticon ;-) =) :-p etc. to another man. (Mad Hooper)

Amendment: Acceptable Emoticons: Poop Emoji (Zach)

Section 10: No man shall ever feed or be fed by another man, unless the recipient of said feeding is physically or mentally handicapped, or otherwise restricted in any way that prevents feeding oneself. (Brad in Olympia)

Section 11: There is no reason for a man to watch men's figure skating or men's gymnastics. EVER. (Steve)

Section 12: No man shall have any kind of fuzzy decoration on, or in, his car. (Alex in Redmond)

Section 13: Unless in the entertainment industry, no man shall wear makeup

Section 14: No man should take longer to get ready then his wife/girlfriend. (Aaron in Lacey)

Section 15: Never be a part of a candle party. (Robert, somewhere)

Section 16: Never share a dessert with another man (Tony V)

Section 17: Don't skip, ever. (Derek in Sumner)

Section 18: Never write in pink. (Jeff)

Section 19: The list of words/phrases that no man shall EVER use.

  • Subsection A: List
  1. Garment 
  2. Periwinkle 
  3. Supple 
  4. Duvet (James in Renton) 
  5. Precious 
  6. Fabulous *Under review for comedic value 
  7. Adore / Adorbs / Adorable
  8. Lavender (Scott)
  9. Mommy (Whopper 
  10. Daddy (Whopper 
  11. The term BFF (Best Friends Forever) or Bestie 
  12. To Die for (Anthony) 
  13. Bye Bye, or Buh-Bye (Stoney) 
  14. Delish (Ed) 
  15. Decor (Brad in Bellingham) 
  16. Ciao` (Sounds like CHOW) The term Chow is allowed when speaking about the food or the dog breed (Ken in Spanaway) 
  17. XOXOXOXO (Aaron) 
  18. Wee-Wee, Tinkle, or Potty. (Cougar Mike) 
  19. Ickey (Brad in Bellingham) 
  20. Sniffles (Bryan in Pullman) 
  21. Extravagant (CJ in Lakewood) 
  22. Elegant (CJ in Lakewood) 
  23. Never refer to a purse as a clutch (Seanie Mac Seattle) 
  24. The Phrase "I'm finding myself" or "I've been empowered by..." (Rob in Poulsbo) 
  25. Pretty Please 
  26. Hey, Smile 
  27. Nighty-Night (Gary) 
  28. Easy-Peasy (Tom in Olympia) 
  29. I just needed a good cry 
  30. That's not fair (Joe Dredd) 
  31. Tee-hee (Ronnie K) 
  32. K (In response to a txt message) 
  33. Thankies 
  34. Retail Therapy 
  35. Frenemy (Levi) 
  36. Jammies (Referring to pajamas) Unless talking to a child (Mario from Yelm) 
  37. Cray or Cray Cray 
  38. Hubby (Dylan in Snohomish) 
  39. Whateves (Gay Eric)
  40. Dirty 30 in reference to another man turning 30. (Tyrone)
  41. Adulting (Shane)
  42. Retarded - Henceforth known as the R-bomb (Paul)

Section 20: Things no man should have

  • Subsection A: List 
  1. Decorative soap. 
  2. Decorative toilet seat 
  3. Anything Cher, Barbra Streisand, or Celine Dion. 
  4. A diary. 
  5. A collection of chick flicks. 
  6. Body waxing supplies. 
  7. A collection past girlfriend’s panties.
  8. Hair straightener, otherwise known as a "Flat iron" (CJ in Lakewood)

Section 21: Things all men should have

  • Subsection A: List
  1. Your favorite pizza joint on speed dial 
  2. Lighter 
  3. Porn 
  4. Belt 
  5. Tools. At least a flat head and Phillips head screw driver, as well as a crescent wrench. 
  6. Razor Blade (James in Maple Valley)
  7. Duct tape and a hammer (Anthony in Kent)

Section 22: If you have a son, teach him how to play sports. (Michael in Lakewood)

Section 23: No man shall blame another for their gas, man up and be proud. (Bjorn)

Section 24: No man shall ever attend or be a part of a "shower" (Baby, wedding, etc) (Bjorn)

Section 25: When in a group of men, don't expose your junk. (Slowmo in Ft. Lewis)

Section 26: No man to man back rubs. (Trent)

Section 27: Never buy a Volkswagen Cabriolet or Mazda Miata (Brad in Bellingham)

Section 28: If you call another man, have a point. Never call just for small talk. (Ben in Gig Harbor)

Section 29: One man should never go up to another mans woman and tell her stuff that the other man has done. (Trouble in Everett)

Section 30: Every man should have a S.A.C (Spousal Avoidance Center) A place to drink, smoke, and get away from the woman.

Section 31: No man shall take a photo of another man doing something incriminating.

Section 32: If a man pukes in your car, he is held liable to get your entire car detailed. (Felix in Ft. Lewis)

Section 33: While eating a banana (or applying chap stick) never look another men in the eyes.

  • Subsection A: No man shall eat a chocolate dipped frozen banana in public, ever. (Brett)

Section 34: Never let another man adjust your tie while it is still around your neck. (Diz in Bremerton)

Section 35: NO man shall invite another man over to watch porn (Thee Ted Smith)

Section 36: Never buy personal lubricant for any reason while with another man. (Steve on Whidby Island)

Section 37: No nude sunbathing. (Mike)

Section 38: Never dot an "i" with anything other then a dot. (Rob Maple Valley)

Section 39: No man shall go back on a bet once hands have shaken (Keith)

Section 40: No bubble baths, unless accompanied by a woman. (Tyler)

Section 41: A man shall not use texts, email, or voicemail to tell off a friend. (Dave in Renton)

Section 42: What happens at the bachelor party stays at the bachelor party (Daniel)

Section 43: No man shall ever watch a Richard Simmons workout video

Section 44: No man shall ever listen to Fall Out Boy

Section 45: No man shall rub or pat another mans knee. (Alex in Covington)

Section 46: If you are the first person through the door, hold it for the people behind you. (Tyler Ft Lewis)

Section 47: Never hit a woman. Sometimes the obvious needs to be stated.

Section 48: No man shall bum more then 3 cigarettes from any other man before getting him back. (Mack in Kitsap)

Section 49: When offered greens, don't burn more then half of the greens, so the on deck hitter can also enjoy some.

Section 50: No man shall apologize for looking/staring or otherwise being distracted by a woman's cleavage. (Ian in Redmond)

Section 51: If you see an American soldier, thank them for serving.

Section 52: No man shall ever sleep with a friends wife. (Kev in Tumwater)

Section 53: No man should be just friends with someone who gives them an erection. (Miles Montgomery)

Section 54: No man shall ride a tandem bike with another man. (Mateo in Austin Texas)

Section 55: No heterosexual man shall wish another man a "Happy Valentines day" (Tartan Dragon)

Section 56: Every man should know how to park his own vehicle. (Devin)

Section 57: No man shall send more then one text message to another man without receiving a reply.

Section 58: Never quote an ABBA song (Colonel Rob)

Section 59: Never ask a single guy if he's gonna get married soon while his woman is near. (Ben The Psycho Muppet)

Section 60: No man should let known the outcome of a sports game or a fight when he knows the guy he's telling it to has yet to watch said game or fight. (Painter Guy D)

Section 61: Never steal another mans grill (Justin in Everett)

Section 62: Never refer to another man as "Pretty" (Crazzy Johny)

Section 63: No man shall read a romance novel

Section 64: Dont throw birthday parties for your dog. (Mike from Puyallup)

Section 65: Never get on another man's shoulders at a concert. (Kyle from Monroe)

Section 66: No man shall set his relationship status to "It's Complicated" on Facebook

Section 67: No need to ask you wife/girlfriends permission to participate in Movember.

Section 68: Never refer to sex as "Making Love"

Section 69: Women shave their legs, guys don't (Brian in Puyallup)

Section 70: Be able to parallel park your car without the assistance of a woman

Section 71: Never use a nail file in public

Section 72: No man shall break up with his significant other in any way other then face to face. (Brian in Federal Way)

Section 73: All men should be able to build and maintain a fire (Chris on Whidbey)

Section 74: Don't come back to a party after you've been kicked out, you were kicked out for a reason. (Kevin in Mill Creek)

Section 75: If it was your suggestion to go out for a drink, have enough money to pay for your own damn drink bitch.

Section 76: No man shall use a mirror to put on chap stick (Michael in Seattle)

Section 78: No man shall ever make up another mans burger, unless that is his job. (Sky in Bothell)

Section 79: No man should interlock his fingers with another man if they have to hold hands. (Chris in Edgewood)

Section 80: No man shall ever get a tramp stamp (Michael in Northgate)

Section 81: No man shall ever inform the world of how wonderful his relationship is without being asked (Mitch in Edmonds)

Section 82: A man shall learn to drive a stick sometime soon after they get a drivers license. (Dennis in Kingsgate)

Section 83: No man shall "Poke" another man on Facebook (J.U.I) )Or in real life. (Government Employee)

Section 84: No man shall watch a chick flick unless there is a female present who is coercing him or who he is trying to get into the pants of. (Hoss in Vancouver)

Section 85: Never blow another man a kiss. (Jolly Joe Renton)

Section 86: No man shall bat their eyes at another man. (PodDammit Jed)

Section 87: No man shall name anything after a Twilight character.

Section 88: No man shall take a picture of his self in a mirror making kissey faces AKA "The Duck Face" (Patrick in Port Orchord)

Section 89: No man should pop his lips together after applying chap stick. (Stevie in Arlington)

Section 90: Don't make your buddies look through old ass photo albums.

Section 91: Under no circumstances should a man beg and plead to get back with a woman, have some dignity. (Khaos in Tacoma)

Section 92: No man shall ever ask another man to "pinky swear" (Jeremy from Mt. Vernon)

Section 93: No man shall cover up with a blanket at an outdoor restaurant. (Thee Ted Smith)

Section 94: No man shall wave at another man using his fingers in a "toodles" fashion. (Matt from Enumclaw)

Section 95: No man should go to the mall unless he has to. (Paco the Matador Luchador)

Section 96: No man shall pinch another man. (J.U.I.)

Section 97: No grown man shall ever get into a pillow fight with another man, unless there are an equal or greater amount of females involved in said fight. (Rob from Seattle)

Section 98: Never buy another man flowers (Painterguy D)

Section 99: No man shall pick a fight with another man because he is prettier than him (Tien)

Section 100: No man should proclaim that it is his Birthday month or week (Danny)

Section 101: No man shall ignite any paraphernalia with an ignition source that is attached to another man's lips. Unless their is no viable option. (Big Willy)

Section 102: No man shall ever wipe another man's tears

Section 103: No man shall send more than 1 voicemail, text or email about something that is completely unimportant. (Sir Jolly Joe)