Article V - Crimes of Fashion


Section 1: A man must never wear a Speedo in public. The exceptions are water polo players, secret agents, and dudes who are tough enough to kick everyone's ass. (Felix in Seattle)

Section 2: No man shall complement another mans entire wardrobe, only on individual items of clothing. (Kevin from Everett)

Section 3: No man shall ever use a hairdryer (Brad in Olympia)

Section 4: Men should never wear Crocs under any circumstances. (David from Mill Creek)

Section 5: Under no circumstances should a man wear another mans boxers and or underwear, ever. (Mr Joshington)

Section 6: No man shall point out another man’s fly is down unless it will embarrass him. (Scott in Federal Way)

Section 7: Belts come in two colors, brown and black. (Brennan in Everett)

Section 8: No man shall ever wear Capri's or clam diggers. (Scott)

Section 9: Never carry a "murse" or man purse. (Chris)

Section 10: No man shall ever wear a pink shirt.

Section 11: No man shall pop their collar (Brian Federal Way)

Section 12: No man shall tuck a sports jersey into his pants unless he actually plays for the team. (Ford in Tacoma)

Section 13: No man will wear anything that draws attention to his private parts. (Jeffery)

Section 14: No man shall ever wear spandex

Section 15: No man shall wear colored contact lenses. (Studebaker Jake)

Section 16: Under no circumstances should a man wear pants tighter then his woman's. (Ken in Renton)

Section 17: No man shall wear any type of pants with a cute phrase across the ass or any kind of jewel bedazzlement

Section 18: No man shall ever wear mittens

Section 19: Don't wear stupid Ugg Boots (SCF Jerry in Seattle)

Section 20: No man shall wear shorts or pants with the word "TAPOUT" on the ass, it looks like code. (Jolly Joe in Renton)

Section 21: No man shall mount OR remove another mans optical wear unless they are at the optometrists office

Section 22: If you are not IN yoga class, don't be wearing yoga pants.

Section 23: No man shall wear a thumb ring. (Martin from Lake Stevens)

Section 24: No man shall wear pants that are asymmetrical in pattern or color. (Ben in Coupeville)

Section 25: No man shall dye his hair to match his wife or girlfriends, unless hair color is for a sporting event. (Ben in Monroe)

Section 26: If you are not riding a bike, do not wear bike shorts. (Daniel in Port Angeles)

Section 27: No man should go barefoot at work

Section 28: Don't tuck your jeans into your cowboy boots. (Even in Cincinnati)

Section 29: No grown man shall wear a shirt that is longer than his shorts. (Jolly Joe)

Section 30: No man shall ever put glitter in his beard, it looks stupid. (Senor Whopperpants)